How to get your partner to take pictures of you (that you love)
I got this question recently on my instagram and it reminded me how often people have asked me this over the years…
To be honest, I haven’t made much of an effort to fully teach my partner how to photograph me well until just recently.
I first thought about this a few months ago when I was days away from running a local photography class for dads. While planning the class structure, it suddenly occurred to me that I hadn’t actually taught my own husband! Immediately we went to the park, and I gave him his first lesson.
Which went okay. Between you and me, I actually hated the way I looked in most of the photos. But it was great because I learned so much!
Since then, I’ve been really committed to figuring this out and teaching him once and for all how to photograph me (well).
Here are my best tips to get started so you can finally be in the photos as the picture taker (and love how you look in them).
Get clear on what your best angles are
After seeing the first few rolls my husband shot, I realized a lot of it came down to me understanding what I liked (and didn’t like) in photos of myself. For example, there was one image where I thought, ugh, if I had just turned my chin slightly instead of looking all the way down, that would’ve been so much better.
So I made notes about what I could control (how I angled my body, where I looked, what felt natural) and the next time we shot, I made small adjustments. I loved the results so much more. But best of all, I now had examples to show him—side-by-side comparisons of what worked and what didn’t.
Be willing to communicate
One of the things I love most about documenting everyday life with your partner is the way it strengthens your teamwork. If I’ve learned anything from 17 years of photographing other people and their families, it’s this: your ability to communicate as partners is everything.
Try carving out a little space to sit down together and ask:
What do you love about the pictures I take of you?
Love this question
shared in the comments that him and his girlfriend have asked each other, “show me your favorite photos of yourself and tell me what you like about them”
Why is photography important to you?
Would you be open to taking my photo more often?
The more curious and honest you can be with each other, the easier it becomes to understand what's been getting in the way (and how to move forward with more ease).
Tip: If you aren’t the best at communicating with each other, and you don’t know how to be a team quite yet, that’s okay! You can use the process of learning to take pictures of your family together as a team building activity to work on those things! Give lots of grace and compassion to each other, it’s important that you see the other as your friend as you navigate this. Truly the path to figuring out how to come together when you don’t always agree or speak the same language, is simply creating more love and connection.
See each other as your teammate
Imagine this:
You ask your partner to take a picture of you. You’re already irritated because you had to ask them to take your picture (again), and you can see that they’re holding the camera horizontal instead of vertical like you wanted it. You don’t mean to be mean, but the frustration that they don’t just naturally think to take your picture comes out when you take their pictures all.of.the.time. And you say with a little edge, “No don’t hold the camera like that…” Or maybe you’re looking through pictures and you say out loud to your partner, “Ugh I hate the way that I look.” First of all, this is such a normal response. When I recently was teaching someone how to photograph their wife, she said, “I just want him to look at me and think oh my gosh, my beautiful wife, I want to take a picture of her with our son. But he never does!”
And I totally get this sentiment.
But taking pictures together requires fully seeing each other as being on the same team and communicating with each other as such.
Something that helped me a ton (because I definitely struggled with this) was realizing that it’s actually okay for my partner to not love or prioritize all of the same things that I do. Just because he doesn’t think to pick up the camera doesn’t mean he doesn’t recognize how beautiful or valued or wonderful I am.
If photography is important to you, it’s okay to be the one who initiates.
Make it fun
The #1 way to make photography absolutely terrible for you and your partner/family is to always make it this thing where you or your kids have to stand in a bunch of places and smile at the camera.
Be playful and let yourselves have fun with it!
And above all else, be willing to go with the flow. Because I promise you there will be soooo many times where your partner will try to take your picture, the moment fades before they can snap the shutter and your kid runs off (this will especially happen a ton as your partner is first learning to use the camera and building muscle memory for things like focusing and lining up a shot). Instead of getting frustrated that your partner missed taking the picture or trying to force everyone back into it, let things flow and try again later (or just try something entirely different).
If you want everyone to be down for photos more, photo time has to be easy and it has to be fun.
Look for reflections
At the end of the day, I absolutely love being the one behind the camera. Look for reflective surfaces to photograph yourself in. Think water, mirrors, windows.
Make it easy
If you want to help your partner succeed in taking pictures with you, make it easy! Keep the camera out in a common space in your home so that it’s easier to use. For example, I keep my canon ae-1 and a disposable camera on my piano almost at all times.
Speaking of the canon ae-1, this is such a great camera for keeping things easy. Especially if this is your partner’s intro to photography. I wrote an article recently about shooting with it for the first time if you’re interested in learning more about it!
What would you love for your partner to capture more of?
(You in a special place? You cooking dinner? A favorite routine with yourself or your kids? Hit reply or comment, I’d love to hear!)
If you’d like to learn more about how to work together with your partner to make photo time fun and easy for your family, sign up for my Photographing Your Family class! (this is a deep dive into the actual approach and how to shooting, how to work with your partner to start taking more pictures together - whether you shoot with your iPhone, digital or film camera).
Use the code GRATEFUL2025 for $100 off the class as a token of my gratitude for being here with me on my Substack!
xo
Suzy
Ways to connect more with me:
I started a podcast finally! I would say this is for parents, photographers, anyone interested in all things growing and noticing (or just hearing more about my process as a photographer).
This is something I need to do more. I am always the one taking and miss a lot of the opportunities to be involved.
I love this!!
Similarly to the question “What do you love about the pictures I take of you”
I’ve asked my GF “show me your favorite photos of yourself and tell me what you like about them!” As a photographer who just wants to capture my life, this little question has been helpful!
Also one day, I don’t know when, but I want you to shoot photos of me and my gf 😭